Top tips for coping with relationships
A diagnosis of lymphoma affects not only the individual with the condition, but also their family, friends and those close to them. Sometimes it can cause added strain to a relationship as both sides adapt to the situation, and the challenges this can cause.
We asked members of our Facebook Support Group for their 'top tips' for navigating and coping with relationships, particularly during times of added stress that lymphoma may cause. Here is what they told us.
Thank you to all our Facebook member who shared their tips.
- I took my partner with me to my first appointment with consultant after my diagnosis. I got him to tell me what questions he wanted to ask and wrote them down.
- My partner was overwhelmed with additional chores so I helped by shopping online and a friend supported with household chores.
Be open with your partner and family/friends, and ask them how they are feeling as well (sometimes we also forget to ask because we are in our own little bubble of thoughts and feelings).
- Be honest with everyone in your life, especially with your significant other. If you feel bad let people know. If you want help, ask for it. Don’t bottle things up.
- Sometimes you don’t want or need someone to try and fix you and say the usual platitudes, it’s about letting you talk and getting your feelings out while someone just listens.
- Lower your expectations. Some family members will struggle with your diagnosis and not know what to say or do. I relied more on friends for emotional support.
When the cancer conversation is exhausting and you don’t want to keep explaining, my top tip if you are struggling with this, is draft a message that would work with most people. Then you just have to edit it and make it more personal.
- It’s okay not to be okay at times. Don’t ever feel like you have to be positive every single day. It’s okay to cry.
- Teamwork. I told my family what I needed from them, and they listened. For example, with food: please don’t ask me to eat more, I know I need to but right now I can’t. I’ll tell you what I think I can eat, and which foods I’m struggling with, and we can together work out a menu that I can eat.
- I asked my family how much detail they wanted me to tell them about everything I was going through. They said "tell us everything and don't hold back". That helped me enormously through my treatment and I think it's a conversation everyone should have, especially if, like me, you need to unload.
- You need your strength to cope with the treatment so don’t use it up trying to do things people can help you with or bottling up your feelings - and they’ll only know if you tell them or ask for help.
If you have young children keep it simple. My little girl was only two when I was diagnosed. We told her mummy was having medicine that would make her sleepy and her hair was going to go on holiday for a bit but it would come back.
This information comes from our Facebook users and online support meeting members, and is a list of suggestions from the community based on what they personally found useful and what they would like to pass on to others. This is not intended to be medical advice and is not a replacement for advice from your medical team. If you are looking for specific guidance for your own personal circumstances always consult your medical team.